You Found Us

What a sweet experience it has been for me to go back and read the last letter I wrote to you. You see, that day in the temple when I heard you tell me you were coming, was right around the same day your birth mommy found out she was pregnant with you. Life is full of little, big, and in-between miracles.

It's nearly 5 a.m. and I've been awake since 2 a.m. because your Aunt Karen is in labor with who will be your twin cousins. I'm so proud of her for her strength, courage, optimism, and persistence. And your Uncle Bryan! Well, aside from me loving him just about more than anyone else in this world, he is just plain ol' awesome and I can not wait to see him be a daddy!

Speaking of daddies. You're going to have the best one! He is so anxious to meet you and he talks about you often! I think he has the maternal instincts in our family because he thinks of things that I should be thinking of and he's nesting way more than I am! He's building you a crib and some play things.

Your birth mommy is living with us right now which is such a blessing. We're getting to know you, through her, and we sure love her. She's fun, talkative, helpful, honest, brave, and full of life.

I can't believe that in just 2 month's time I will be holding you in my arms. We've waited a long time for you, but I am certain you will be worth the wait. Thank you for coming to us. We love you and we can't wait to meet you.

With all my love,

Mommy

It's Time

Hi sweet babies.

It's time for me to write to you again. It's been a really long time since the last time I wrote to you. And I think that's because whenever I think about you my heart aches. I wanted to share a story that happened in the temple the other day.

Your dad and I were doing initiatory in the temple, and some of the women I saw in the temple reminded me a lot of Grandma Sherwood. My heart yearned for her, and I truly missed her. I wished that I could see her again and I wanted to hug her and tell her I loved her. Just a few moments later, I started thinking about you, my children, and I felt sad that you haven't come to me yet. And then I quickly realized that the feelings I was feeling when I thought about you, were the same feelings I felt about Grandma Sherwood. They were feelings of missing somebody I already knew, and wanting to see them again. Then I heard one of you say to me..

"Don't cry mamma. I'm coming".

I know that you're coming sweet children, and I miss you. I know that I knew you before I came to Earth and I know that I'll see you again soon.

Your daddy and I have decided to look for you through adoption. We feel like you have a special birth mommy who will give birth to you and be a part of your life, but who will help you find us so we can raise you. We don't know your birth mommy yet, but we sure do love her. It takes courage to be a birth mommy and we know you'll have an amazing one.

We love you kids. We're so excited to see you and to meet you in this life. Thank you for sending down comfort and strength when we need it.

With all my love,

Mommy.

It's been a while.

Hi my sweet little nippers.

I think it's been almost a year since I've written to you. A lot has happened in that year. Dad graduated from college and got a permanent job working for Boon. He's designing toys and fun kids stuff. He loves his job and that makes us so happy. We took a trip in March to go interview at some graduate schools he was looking into and he got accepted to every single school he applied to, I was not surprised. He's so smart in his field. Smart enough that Boon offered him this job so we decided to take that job and settle here for a while so I can finish school. We feel so blessed to have work in this economy. This is a really hard time right now for our country. We have a new president who is making some decisions that are really tough on our economy and we can only hope and pray that the Lord will guide him, no matter his religion. This year we also went to the doctor because we were having a hard time getting pregnant and the doctor told us that we are unable to have children naturally, so that was some hard news. But we found that out right around general conference time and President Monson told us that "our future is as bright as our faith" and we have applied that to us and to you and we've decided to have faith and we know we will meet you some day. We also are grateful to live in a time with lots of options. We can adopt you, or have medical help to conceive you and a hundred other things. But I promise you, we will find you. We will do whatever we can to meet you, to bring you into a home full of love. We will try to be the best parents we can be. We will respect you, and we will listen to your thoughts and what you have to say and we'll try to understand your feelings and we will teach you the gospel and about our Savior who loves us. He loves us and because of that, He will send you to us I know it. We will find you. We love you. We're trying to do so many things right now to prepare for you. We've put an offer on a home to buy so we'll have a place to put you! :) We have Family Home Evening as though we already have you with games, treats, Primary Songs and fun lessons. We sit close to the front at church so you will behave! We pray for you. A lot. We're waiting for you. And we love you. I write this through my tears because my dear children, it hurts right now, to want you so badly and to want to care for you and to not be able to, but my faith is bright and though my patience isn't as bright, I know you will be here in due time. Your dad and I have lived in Grandma and Grandpa Smith's pool house for 2 years now. It is small, and we have a lot of stuff. And I gripe and complain about it a lot. I want walls, I want my own bedroom, I want a kitchen, I want a craft room and a family room and a dining room, and I tell your father that a lot. But I want to now share with you a story about a woman I met today who has changed my view on things and who has changed my life. Her name is Marjorie Knell Robinson and she lives in a Nursing Home that falls in our ward boundaries and Dad and I got to go have Sacrament Meeting at that nursing home, Village Oaks, today. In the middle of the meeting a lady whom I did not yet know asked to be taken back to her room because she wasn't feeling well, and so I helped her out the door and then somebody else wheeled her back to her room and the meeting went on. After the meeting, Dad and I were walking out and we passed the lady's room who was sick and your dad stopped and turned around and we went into her room. Dad said "I'm sorry you're not feeling well, and I hope you feel better" and she began to talk, telling us about her heart and how sometimes it beats too fast, and he high blood pressure gives her problems and she knew she wasn't doing well so she asked to leave the meeting so she wouldn't disrupt. I could tell she was grateful we stopped by so I knelt down beside her wheel chair, she invited Dad to sit down in a chair and we began talking. We told her our names and she knew who dad was. He was just a little boy when she lived in his neighborhood but she remembered him and his family. It was a fun connection to make. And then we began talking about how the Lord answers prayers and she told a story that I'd like to tell you. She said that when she lost her husband, and then when her kids took away her car keys and she lost her independence they then put her in the nursing home. And she said she looked around at those 4 walls and didn't know what to do. I've seen the home she had lived in, it's big and I imagine moving into a tiny bedroom with a roommate she didn't know, was very hard. But she said that the very same week she moved in, she was reading in the Ensign and there was a story about missionary work and prayer and how if you pray the Lord will bless you with opportunities. And so she said she prayed that even though she was confined to such a place that she could share the gospel and within one week 4 different people came to her and asked if she was a member of The Church and then asked for copies of the Book of Mormon. She then talked about how when he was just 29 her husband was called as the bishop and they had 5 young children and a a family of 7 just like theirs had just lost their house to a fire and these people moved in with Sister Robinson and her family and she took care of them. She also talked about wanting to help her children know where they came from so she researched family history and knew a lot about her ancestors. She said that's the best tool for missionary work. You can just ask somebody who they are and where they came from and if you know your pedigree, it will always line up or meet up somewhere and you can make a friendship and a connection. This woman was an answer to my prayers and let me tell you why. Yesterday in the temple I was waiting in the waiting room of the Initiatory area and I watched a woman probably 35 years old come in with her mother and her grandmother. And I got to watch this woman take care of her grandma and help her get dressed and walk her to her place and help her get seated, and I felt robbed. I felt sad that I missed out on getting to do things like that with my Grandma because she passed away before I truly appreciated her and wanted to do things with her. And I wished in my heart and said a little prayer that I might find a grandma here on Earth that might need somebody, because I certainly felt the need for a grandma to love and as I knelt at the feet of Sister Robinson today I knew she was an answer to my prayer. She was today the grandma here on this earth that I needed. I love her. And I tell you this story because it taught me a lesson. I complain all day about wanting a bigger house and needing all sorts of things, but Sister Robinson who lives in an area half the size of the pool house is happy, and sharing the gospel and helping people like me realize that it's not where we live, or how big of a home we have, or how much money we have that matters, it's sharing the gospel and helping others see and feel the Light of Christ. Kids, Sister Robinson is an example to me and I hope will be to you. An example of being grateful for what you have and not sad for what you don't have. That's a lesson that my dear parents taught me and I hope to be able to teach you. You have wonderful grandparents and fantastic aunts and uncles and you have great people to look up to and I hope and pray that you will pattern your lives after the good people you know and after our Savior, for He is the ultimate example. I love you kids. I love you so much right now that I can not imagine loving you more, though I know that the first time I lay eyes on you my love will expand beyond my comprehension. I long for that day. Your dad and I have been married 2 years tomorrow, and that sweet time spent with just the 2 of us is a treasure I will be grateful for forever. And if it's 2 more years, or 5 or 10 or 100 before I get to meet you I will be waiting for you, and I will be loving you.

With all of the love in my heart,

Mom

One year wiser...

Hello my lovely children,

For the past 3 days your dad and I have been celebrating our 1 year anniversary. Why has it taken 3 days you ask? Well, our actual anniversary was on Sunday, what better day is there than the Sabbath to be so grateful for a husband?! However, that did not allow us to go out to eat or go to a movie or any of your usual anniversary/date stuff. So, we debated celebrating on Saturday night and just decided to watch several episodes of a tv show and eat cereal for dinner. Then on Sunday we got to attend church and your dad went to lots of meetings like BYC and a board of review and a fireside, and then we just spent some time hanging out. Then, yesterday, since we are house sitting at a house that is much closer to dad's work than the Pool House, dad came home for lunch. What a treat! And then, when he came home for the day, he brought me a dozen beautiful roses. I gave him some cologne (he was out and I needed an excuse! :) ) and then we went to dinner which was delicious, and then to a total chick flick! Your dad is the best, and though we celebrated in many superficial ways, the best part of our anniversary is that we are together. Your dad said "The only thing that could make this year better is to  have another one just like it. It's like Utah Peaches, when you have a delicious one, the only thing that could make it better is to have another one." I couldn't agree with your sweet dad more. More than anything kids, I want you to know that I love your dad. He is the best man I know and his love for you kids (though we haven't even met you yet) reaches the stars. He does everything for you and me. He goes to work, he strengthens his testimony, he gets educated, and it's all to show love for us. Your dad is my hero, my miracle, and my best friend and I feel honored to call him my husband. 

Love you so much,

Mom

It's been too long.

Hi kids!

I'm getting worse at writing to you AND about writing in my journal, so this entry is to kill a couple birds with one stone! First I'm going to list a few things that have happened since my last entry and then I'll add some feelings and what not.

-Dad and I got to go to New York for a Toy Fair

-Dad and I spent our first day apart when he went to Florida for work

-Grandpa Ed sold the boat,  but before he did, Dad and I had FHE on the lake

-Uncle Bryan and Aunt Karen got married

-Uncle Sherrod and Aunt Sarah found out they can move to The Valley soon

-Aunt Kylee AND Aunt Lindsey are prego

-I'm getting really good grades in my Music Therapy classes

-Dad is thriving in his program at school, of course

-Dad got a new job working at Boon, huge blessing

-Tomorrow is the anniversary of Dad's and my first date

So here are a few things I've learned

-It is easier to not make mistakes than to repent of them later

-It's hard to not get offended but feels better to let things go

-The Savior will take care of us.

-If you pray, God will hear, listen, and answer

-Fasting works

-Nothing can replace family, they are the best

-It's okay to cry

-Sisters Inlaw are special

-Being kind to a mom is vital

-Being married is a blessing that I get to receive every day, over and over!

So, life is wonderful. Dad and I are living in the pool house in the back of Grandpa and Grandma Smith's house. It is so tiny, but such a blessing. We have only 7 walls, and are grateful each day to have a roof over our heads. We're hoping to be able to move out soon, and hoping to be pregnant even sooner! We want to meet all of you precious people! I will love you. I will hold you any time you want. (I say that now, we'll see how long it lasts!) I think you will probably look like your dad, but maybe you'll get something of mine. Probably my nose. If you do, I'm sorry! :) Aunt Markee is pregnant! I am very excited for her. They are moving here soon. They'll be about 30 minutes away, it will be great to have them closer. Uncle Bryan is SO happy! It's because he found the right person to marry and they were married in the temple. Aunt Karen is the best! Dad and I got to play games at their apartment tonight. They're so great. I'm grateful for them. 

Easter was today. It was a hard day for me. Church was good, but I was a little bit home sick. I've been away from home for 2 years now, and married close to a year and I still get home sick! I'm so glad your dad takes such good care of me. It's been fun to learn how each other works, and what each other needs. He is good to me. I don't know if you kids will get Easter baskets. Easter is so much more than the bunny to me. It is about our Savior. And I want you to know that. Maybe we can do something different that still makes it a fun day for you but allows you to focus on Christ. He does so much for us, we need to do more for Him. 

Your dad works hard for you! He studies in school and goes to work every day so that he can provide for us. He's a great daddy already! I love you kids. I'm tired! We went to church, I played the organ, cried a lot because I was pretty emotional, Dad taught Sunday School, we came home and watched Clean Flix "Cinderella Man", I had a nap, we had Easter dinner with The Bowmans, The Dustin Smiths, and G-pa and G-ma Smith, delivered some cupcakes to ward members, played games with Uncle Brew and Aunt Karen, and now I am ready for bed!! I love you!!

-Mom

President Hinckley

At this same concert I spoke of in my "Music" post, I got a call from Grandma Martin saying that President Hinckley had passed away. He is what I would call my prophet. He's for the most part the only one I knew. And as I've had a few moments to reflect on his life I wish to impress upon your minds the importance of prophets and the church today. The church is not led, nor run my the president of the church, rather by our Savior, Jesus Christ. However, our prophet is in direct contact with The Savior and when our prophet speaks, we must listen. As my prophet has passed, I have mixed emotions. I am excited for him to see his sweet wife again. I am sad I don't get to see his face at conference anymore. And though I can read his words forever more, I will never again have the opportunity to hear live, "fresh" revelation from him, and I hope and pray that you will never take for granted a living prophet. Listen to your prophet. Love him. And heed to his counsel. 

Love,

Mom

Music

You don't have to play music, sing music, or even like music. But I want to share with you how music has touched my life, and I hope and pray that even if you don't like it, you will somehow find an appreciation for it. Music is my passion, and one of my largest desires is to share that with others. So often I have felt that if music is something I love so much, I should be better at it. I went to a little concert the other night with your Grandpa Wright, Grandma Smith, and your dad, and I was having a bit of a rough night. School was on my mind, and for some reason each song touched my heart. Even opera which would normally hurt my ears, was sounding like angels from heaven. As I sat there, and watched talented person after person, I became saddened with the lack of my own talents and the greatness of my desires. Then, today, I went to a voice lesson that is a part of my Music Therapy training. I have a brand new teacher I have never had before, and he said to me, "we take what God gave us, and we make the BEST of it". We don't need to compare, or wish we had more, or get down on ourselves and be sad. We need to be grateful for what God gave us, make the best of it, and share it, in music or anything else. What a fine piece of advice. 

Love,

Mom